Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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