my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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