Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
