Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
