i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
