You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found puke in my bra..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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