I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
