my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
