East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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