So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
