After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
