I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
