He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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