youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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