He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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