Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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