I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
