we have officially lost it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
