I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
