Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i love accidental penises.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
