I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
