Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
