Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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