i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
