he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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