Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
