I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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