Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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