I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They took my balls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
