absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
