There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the raccoons are back...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
