So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
