He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
