my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
