All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
