i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
