he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
