You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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