it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
