We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
