I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
