I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
