You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
