Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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