i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
