are you still at the devil's house?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why do cheetos always look like penises
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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