wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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