know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
