I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
