WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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